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Joke of the Day
"Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row."
Next Joke
"How do depressed people play the violin? With a razor and their wrist."
"STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life"
"Did you hear about the new rating scale for how colorblind someone is? Its called the greyscale"
"I've been watching women's volleyball and there has already been an injury... But I'll be ok by monday."
"What makes for a good first date? NOT MOVIES"
"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field"
"*sees Salvation Army bell ringer* ""Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!"" ""Sir, we don't accept children."" *runs away*"
"Yeah, so, I don't usually argue with people who I can remove from my life by pressing a button....."
"Some people go to church on Sunday mornings. I just grabbed snacks and crawled back in bed to watch porn and read tweets."