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Joke of the Day

"FUCK YEAH I GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD *smooth criminal blasts an i bust out sick mj moves* ""congrats sir u are now manager of this kfc/taco bell"

"I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department. But when I got home, all the signs were there."

"People are wondering who will win the 2016 Presidential election, but I already know who will win the next election. That's because I've got 2020 vision."

"My superpower is acting like I'm trying to stop the elevator from shutting when more people are trying to get on without really stopping it."

"Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student but he slacked off one semester. When he got his report card, he shouted ""Bs! Not the Bs!"""

"6yo lured girls to our beach umbrella by shaking a bag of Cheetos at them & it worked so guys, feel free to steal his fool-proof method."

"British sense of humour"

"I was playing the Witcher 3 and I realized It should be called the Bitcher, cause I slay more pussy than monsters. ( )"

"My uncle started shouting at me about my ""misuse"" of emoticons and had a heart attack ;)"

"Remember: Before you were Mommy's little darling you were Daddy's little squirt."