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Joke of the Day

"My boyfriend stole my banana... My boyfriend stole my banana so I called him out on it. He said, ""Oh I'm sorry. I can get you another banana that's just as yellow."""

"[i get a phone call] ""Hi we'd like to talk to you about your tweets"" ME: Wow thank you but I don't do interviews ""This is the police"""

"What do you call a rich frog? A gold-blooded reptile."

"[England 1320] ""Dearest fair lady, thou art the finest in the land. Allow me to gaze upon thee soon. My love grows."" *waits 6 months* ""K"""

"I am a bank robber... I took a pen from the teller"

"Great deals on circumcisions, Half off!"

"I joined a forum for people with Down syndrome. Comments are disabled."

"I was reading the book ""Great Expectations"" by Charles Dickens. It wasn't as good as I hoped it would be."

"I just punched Dwayne Johnson in the ass So I guess I've finally hit rock bottom."

"Saw a documentary on rim-jobs last night. It was very tongue-in-cheek."