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Joke of the Day

"Rick Astley will give you any movie from his Pixar collection... ...But he's never gonna give you Up."

"What's a fedora tippin neckbeard's favorite country? M'laysia"

"I need to buy a new alarm clock. The one I have keeps going off while I'm asleep."

"A mime once nearly had me convinced that a wall was actually there... ...but it was just an obstacle illusion."

"What do you get when you cross a fishing rod with mud? a dirty hooker"

"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, that's a good question."

"The US is having so many disasters and tragedies Youd almost think it was built on top of thousands of ancient indian burial grounds. Edit: Hey thanks for the gold stranger!"

"Did you hear about the guy who designed the monorail? He had a one track mind."

"""I'm so stoked!"" -An excited fireplace"

"I'm writing a book on how to be sneaky... ...It's a lurk in progress."