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Joke of the Day

"My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop with the endless flamingo impressions. So I had to put my foot down."

"So here I am in this internet cafe... ...with the biggest fucking nigger I've ever seen reading every word I ty"

"What's long, black, and smelly? The unemployment line"

"Where do you drown hipsters? In the mainstream"

"What's the difference between cum and Jello? Jello doesn't hit the back of your throat at 120 mph."

"What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up."

"What's Santas favorite band? Sleigher."

"Zombie Apocalypse has begun... Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?"

"Mountains aren't just funny.... They're hill-areas!"

"[At restaurant] I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! But I'm on a diet so... [To waiter] Do you have diet horse?"