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Joke of the Day

"What does an envelope say when you lick it? Nothing. It just shuts up."

"When I grow up I wanna be a fire truck"

"What is black and white and red all over? A suicide note. Edit: I already feel horrible Edit 2: I left out a semicolon"

"I imagine Hell is just a place where you watch a montage of people's hands you've shook that didn't wash them after they used the bathroom."

"I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up."

"Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken"

"Why can't unicorns play soccer? Because they don't exist"

"I said to the porn producer I couldn't take any more dick... So I got the sack."

"How many Vietnam War Veterans does it take to change a lightbulb? You don't know man, you weren't there!"

"A lion would NEVER cheat on his mate But a Tiger Wood. XD"