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Joke of the Day

"I walked in on my roommate masturbating in the shower I said ""Mate, that's disgusting"" Him: ""Fuck off I can wash it as fast as I like!"""

"How much does a plumber make in an hour? It depends on how much crack he can produce."

"Sometimes I yell at my stepladder, ""You're not my real ladder! You can't tell me what to do!"" And then I kick it. Feels good."

"What's the best part about living in a black family? You never have to hear a dad joke. Edit. Just thought of this at work one day hope it's not a repost"

"Things got heated on my date the other night and I said ""hey you wanna do 68?"" She says ""what's that?"" I said ""it's when you blow me and I owe you one."""

"Why do sanitary towel adverts always feature a liquid which is blue? Are aliens their primary customers?"

"What do you call someone who stands on the left side of an escalator? A fucking asshole."

"In the English language, ""I'm sorry"" and ""I apologize"" mean the same thing. Unless you are at a funeral."

"/r/Jokes was starting to get flooded by good original jokes ... Edit: I know the mods hate the punchline in the title, my bad"

"Why did Snake walk into the bar? Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception."