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Joke of the Day

"I recently learned diarrhea is genetic... Yeah, it runs in your genes."

"A DJ that's a cat! So cute! But you know what's not cute? *clicks to next slide* Our reliance on rapidly depleting fossil fuels."

"Inspiring to see someone lift himself up by his own bootstraps. But soon you'll wonder what you're doing at a fucking magic show."

"Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman? It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)"

"Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. ""Look! Hahaha!"" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam."

"Robber: Give me your valuables Me: *hands him piece of paper* Robber: What's this? Me: My Netflix password."

"My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker."

"Saw a homeless white girl begging for money. I didn't give her any, because I know how they are, always blowing it on Starbucks."

"I watched Mad Max: Fury Road today."

"When the doctor prescribed the millennium a medical dog he was surprised the patient asked ""how do i smoke it"""