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Joke of the Day

"Be nice to people on your way up so they won't get suspicious when you're rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport."

"What's your favorite thing about earth? It's just got such a great atmosphere."

"Where did Putin tell the protesters where to meet? Crimea River"

"Why are south italian men so small? Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: ""If you grow up you have to work"" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there"

"Talking to a Beaver So I was talking to a beaver one day about how I was homeless and told him I was looking for a new place to live. He gave me this commiserating look and said, ""Well dam."""

"Turned out the lights I started walking down the stairs, and I flipped the light switch to off. It wasn't a bright idea. I'll see myself out."

"""Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"" ""Well, alright."" ""Girl, I feel with my nerves."""

"*rolls over to your desk on chair* So what was in that browser you just quickly minimised?"

"""Have you seen the film constipated?"" ""No?"" ""Has it come out yet?"""

"My Love Life is Like my Ferrari... It's nonexistent"