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Joke of the Day

"Do your socks have holes in them? No? Well then how did you get your feet in them?"

"Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your ""shake"" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake"

"[snowman rings doorbell] Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a ""snow blower"" and was wondering where I might find one."

"Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? A black guy was following her."

"Melania Trump doesn't want to live in the same place as her husband. More than half of America feels the same way."

"Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever."

"A double amputee has escaped from the mental asylum I wouldn't worry too much, he's armless."

"DAD: Sorry it's not a pony, honey. Best I could do LITTLE GIRL: [riding gigantic earthworm] This is Princess Doomtube. She shall be feared"

"Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying ""Good morning Mr. Mayor."" Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town."