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Joke of the Day

"New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out."

"Yo mama so fat in order to meet new carbon emissions regulations, we had to cap her ass"

"Me: Do you have any mini-ipods in stock? Guy: what color? Me: Any color. Guy: We don't have any. You Sir, have achieved stupid greatness."

"I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage He said ""that would be GREAT for business"""

"Doctor, doctor I broke my arm in two places. Doctor: Stop going to those places."

"30 seconds into Taylor Swifts new song I started hoping Kanye would interrupt her."

"Why do cats love small spaces? 'cause pussies gotta be tight"

"My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited"

"What's the most emotional computer you can buy? A Dell."

"My friend had his assignment on plagiarism stolen so he copied mine. He then proceeded to take a course on Nihilism but it ended up not having a meaningful impact on his transcript."