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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying she has daddy issues but she only fills out credit cards for the instant approval."

"Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared ""mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"""

"Wanna hear a joke? My sex life..."

"Husband: Can I use your phone? Me: *throwing phone in the ocean* My what?"

"Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker That's an oxidant waiting to happen."

"Piers Morgan has taken a very strong stance against guns, and who can blame him? If you had a gun, you'd shoot him too."

"When my dad caught me smoking a cigarette he took me out to the shed and forced me to teach him how to be hella cool."

"[at checkout counter] Would ya like to donate $1 to- -No But you didn't let me finish -Is it $1 toward you shutting your mouth? No -Then no"

"I named my house ""shape"", now I'm always in shape."

"What were the 2 doctors who worked with Schrodinger called? A *paradox.*"