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Joke of the Day

"Don't tell me I look tired unless you're offering to carry me"

"I miss the old days. When a duck face meant that you had a stroke."

"Why did nVidia built the first self-driving car? (on all conditions) Because their drivers keep crashing."

"When a pregnant woman swims she is literally a human submarine."

"It's now apparently politically incorrect to say ""Black paint"" Now you have to say ""Tyrone can you please go paint the fence?""."

"How did the flea learn to use the internet? He had to start from scratch."

"My x had a Nikon breast implant She called it her photographic mammary."

"I heard today is World Alzheimer's Day Sorry, I just forgot."

"Help oh god a I tied a balloon to my hand and now I'm two hours over the ocean held hostage by the wind"

"TIFU by pretending to be stabbed by a jihadi."