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Joke of the Day

"Thanks for the free womb & board, Mom! Happy Mother's Day."

"what would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if he was a member of Al Qaeda? GET TO THE VIRGINS"

"A man went to jail for sexually abusing a monkey. He was an apeist!"

"Me: I'm ghosting him. Her: You stopped talking to him? Me: No, I'm showing up when he least expects it and scaring the shit out of him."

"Why can't Java programmers see well? Because of the eclipse"

"Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet."

"If you're not using Social Media to spout your uninformed opinion then you're totally missing the point of the Internet."

"So I started chatting up this Asian girl after a little while she said, sex, sex, sex, free, sex for you. Her friend quickly pointed out that she was giving me her phone number 666-3642"

"Terrible music pun If a person were to have sex with Andrew Stockdale, would that make them a wolf, motherfucker?"

"What is the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire"