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Joke of the Day

"Why is it okay for an ice company to commit fraud? Their assets are already frozen!"

"I really admire people who can joke about themselves so I made up this joke....It starts ""I have Alzheimer's ..."

"Ran into my ex the other day Then I put it in reverse. Then I ran her over."

"I thought I would have to kill my bitch of a wife, but then she suffocated on saran wrap. I was so Glad."

"[he picks me up on 1st date] Him: What do you have there? Me: [struggling, crawling to his car because my backpack is weighing me down] Ham."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face."

"So I hear Lil Wayne is in critical condition. I think it has to do with his lungs... He's always been a lil weezy."

"A man was pulled over for speeding... The officer says: Where is the fire at? The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)"

"*opens front door to see Christmas carolers singing Please, I have a family"

"Why are pirates good at singing? They have great hARRRmony. I'm sorry."