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Joke of the Day

"I really admire people who can joke about themselves so I made up this joke....It starts ""I have Alzheimer's ..."

"What did one snowman say to the other snowman? *sniff* do you smell carrots?"

"What's big, green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls on you? A pool table"

"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich... After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times."

"""Hey dude, have you ever considered being a comedian?"" Yes but everyone laughed at me."

"What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? 30 pounds. OK Ladies - if you didn't like that - what's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes."

"A cowboy walks into a German car convention... He sees a beautiful woman, walks up to her and says, ""Audi"""

"I eat the first half of a burrito to get full, I eat the second half to teach myself a lesson"

"What's a Mormon's favorite sexual position? You'd probably think it's missionary, but i'm pretty sure they'd try the back door if they had the chance."

"Hey, how come they're not playing videos on MTV any more? #20yearcoma"