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Joke of the Day
"Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really."
Next Joke
"If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an iWitness?"
"PSYCHOLOGIST: [holding up inkblot] wat do u see ME: a outdated discredited method with no scientific backing PSYCHOLOGIST: [starts sweating]"
"Someone asked me when the narwhal bacons... ...my response was: ""huh?"""
"The NSA Agent Why couldn't the NSA agent leave the Russian airport? Because he got Snowden!"
"I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y."
"A Buddhist goes to the hot dog vendor... And says, ""Make me one with everything."" Giving him a fifty, the Buddhist asks for the change and the vendor replies, ""Change comes from within."""
"i type everything in lower case because i don't give a shift"
"My friend is a midget... I hold it over her head literally all the time."
"[my first day as a financial investor] ""I'm going all in on this Acme Corporation. Anybody want a piece?"""