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Joke of the Day

"My friend is a midget... I hold it over her head literally all the time."

"Sometimes... You just gotta treat life like a bad lay... Make funny faces and pretend you're having a good time."

"I get you, anti-evolution people. I'm too lazy to learn science too."

"All Russian babies are born inside slightly larger babies."

"Somebody called me pretentious today... I almost choked on my chai latte."

"A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call"

"knock knock, who's there? An ass load of Brazil v Germany posts of which 5% are actually funny."

"Why did the skeleton cross the road? He had a bone to pick with his neighbour."

"*sir mix a lot voice* i like big butts and i'm sad inside"

"I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs."