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Joke of the Day

"Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks."

"Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione? She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor."

"Moves shopping cart to allow car to park Lady doesn't even say thanks Puts cart back behind her car Leaves."

"Doctor Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee Have you tried taking the spoon out?"

"*Hands you a handbasket* You know what to do......."

"I turned my phone on ""Airplane Mode"" and threw it into the air. Worst transformer ever."

"How do you find King Arthur in the dark? With a knight light...."

"[job interview] Interviewer: are you familiar with microsoft word Me: yes i've heard that word many times"

"Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their fingers through their hair."

"I don't get ""drunk"" during the holidays I get ""festive""."