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Joke of the Day

"New information has come into my possession that reveals a significant percentage of you are full of shit."

"I went shopping . . . I went to the supermarket to get some groceries. When I got to the dairy section, they only had one piece of cheese left. It was provolone."

"What was Hitler's favorite sandwich? The Auschwich."

"What is the difference between an event at the X Games and a sorrority? One is a bunch of Cunning Stunts"

"How do you get an elephant into a Safeway bag? Take the S out of safe and the F out of way.."

"What's the square root of 69? Eight something."

"Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital."

"An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything for a while the Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no paper in here either."

"Donald trump isn't a wight supremacist... he IS an orange supremasist"

"Non-Americans won't get this. Obesity"