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Joke of the Day

"I'm off to buy a 3-D printer. Which I'll use to make another 3-D printer. Then return the first one."

"Dried grapes are getting really expensive... I heard they're raisin the price"

"What did the Criminal call his new pretzel company? Assault and Buttery"

"What do you call two pears? A pair."

"There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't."

"What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name."

"Whats a ghost's favorite kind of porn? Booookaki"

"Wife: He's always rewriting the past.. Therapist: is this true? Me: [doesn't hear because I'm typing 'Shrek killed Hitler' into Wikipedia]"

"A child was born with no eyelids, so doctors created some using his foreskin It worked okay, but he was a little cockeyed"

"*checks pockets for phone 53 times before jumping in pool* *skinny dips to be on the safe side*"