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Joke of the Day

"How did NASCAR get that name? Redneck: 'That's nascar ye got there."""

"How many Vladimir Putins' does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they didn't Putin enough effort. Just a play on his last name, nothing more."

"U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands. Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners."

"Have you ever been looking at someone right before they fall and when they do you think ""Maybe I did that with my mind""?"

"Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then you'd have to call them bagels."

"I was at my friend's house the other day and saw his dog licking its balls. ""Oh, I wish I could do that"" I said, my friend then replied back ""Give him a biscuit and he might let you"""

"What's the first step to throwing a space party? You planet."

"Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few minutes Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"TV before 6pm: ""Men are idiots."" TV after 6pm: ""Women are idiots"" TV after midnight: ""Abs are easy to get!"""

"What is black and doesn't work? Decaffeinated coffee."