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Joke of the Day
"I slept with every girl on my soccer team... I think I'm a team player ...sorry I'll leave now :/"
Next Joke
"They should make fortune cookies with more obtainable fortunes: You will vacuum the living room. You will run into the coffee table."
"A man armed with lazer guns shot up a church... ...people went running pew after pew."
"ME: Hey you haven't talked to me lately, are you mad at me FRIEND: No things are just really awful ME: Oh thank god FRIEND: What"
"Thinking about wearing Uggs this summer? Just remember that blonde girl in the movie 'Taken'. She wore Uggs during the summer and died."
"Why did the bumble bee have sticky fur? Because he used a honey comb."
"Whats that smell? Auschwitz."
"I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says ""Haha good one!"" and we laugh and laugh and take a nap"
"Ladies: Stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet.....Sweeping is your job."
"When are they going to pass a law making the selling of horrible guacamole punishable with death?"