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Joke of the Day

"Call out to CAN_ZIGZAG: what do they call it when a mechanic frees up a stuck gearshift? Manumission"

"Me: will I find true love? Ouji Board: A R E Y O U H U N G R Y Me: dammit grandma not now"

"A man walks into a police station ""My car has been stolen"" he says laughingly. ""Your car has been stolen, but why are you laughing then?"" The officer says. ""Because my wife was still in it!"""

"my girlfriend must feel the same way about pizza as she feels about sex. if she has it one night, she won't want it again for a few weeks."

"Hello tumblr, I'm moon landing fictionkin"

"You know what I call drowsy driving? Multitasking."

"What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone cut off? Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!"

"What did Michael Jackson have in common with Target? Boys clothes half off."

"If your toilet paper roll is on the wrong way, I'll fix it and then never come over again."