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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"Soon be Christmas... WHO SAYS doing Christmas shopping early avoids the crush? Last year, I did mine a full 12 months in advance, and the shops were just as busy as ever."

"You can't put a price on slippery lemons."

"I know it's ""cool"" to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That's somebody's daughter."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Cook ! Cook who ? Cuckoo yourself I don't come here to be insulted !"

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a little while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick."

"My mum at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mum in the morning: Wake the fuck up you lazy piece of shit."

"Did you hear about the guy who killed people on the train in Germany? Seems like he wanted to be an axe-man."

"Why was 10 scared? ... because he was in the middle of 9-11! Better phrasing recommendations appreciated :-)"