131173

Joke of the Day

"Male secretary : ""Feel free to use my dictaphone."" New blonde employee : ""No thanks I'll just use my finger like everyone else."""

"Michael J Fox walks into an ice cream parlor... And the guy behind the counter says ""what flavor would you like?"" Michael say ""It doesn't fucking matter, I'm gonna drop it anyways"""

"A toilet beat me at a game of Poker. I had a straight; it had a flush."

"What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One I like to crush with a sledgehammer till juice squirts out, the other is a watermelon"

"I think I might be famous because twitter just asked me to verify my account. Does this mean I have to do coke now?"

"Can I have some orange juice? You: Can I have some orange juice? Other person: sure go ahead. You: Do you have any orange? Other person: what? You: I have jews but i dont have any orange."

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with a boob job? Ones a rusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! ahahhahahahahah"

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i closer together... Because *you* are an *idiot*."

"How does James Bond type e-mails? With his goldfinger."

"If 8 got laid... she would be fucking without any limits."