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Joke of the Day

"Michael J Fox walks into an ice cream parlor... And the guy behind the counter says ""what flavor would you like?"" Michael say ""It doesn't fucking matter, I'm gonna drop it anyways"""

"Things a raccoon and I have in common: 1) Dark circles around the eyes. 2) Likes eating junk. 3) We're both cute but will kill you."

"Q: How can you make a slow horse fast? A: Don't give him any food."

"The last US election had a candidate called Mitt, a devout Catholic and a candidate called Newt, a serial adulterer. One was against same sex marriage and the other was against same marriage sex."

"DOG: she keeps using heart emojis when we text DOG FRIEND: which color heart? DOG: *shows friend phone* the gray one DOG FRIEND: omg"

"You are Darth Vader. How can you tell if your stormtroopers just played paintball in their freetime again? You can't."

"What do you moan in Cleveland when you're close to orgasm? O-HI-O"

"What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground."

"We had to put my horse down. After he escaped from the barn, the veterinarian said he was too unstable."

"I might drive you crazy, but at least I'll take the scenic route."