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Joke of the Day

"My dick was once in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"Canadians like to brag about getting all four seasons: Winter Almost Winter After Winter Not Winter"

"If her weight ends in ounces she's too young for you bro"

"Not usually a big fan of God, but I have admit telling Cruz to run for president then making him lose to a reality TV clown was an A+ prank."

"People always tell me to act my age so I bought expensive cheese."

"Just found out a spider's been living in my shower. Just hanging out. Quietly. Watching me. So, long story short, I HAVE A NEW BOYFRIEND!"

"ME: So. You from around here? HER: Yes. You're in my bedroom closet."

"I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers."

"Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed."

"A psychic dwarf escaped an institution for the criminally insane... It took police weeks to track down the small medium at large."