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Joke of the Day

"I had my operation done privately in the end. Originally my Dad wanted to sell tickets."

"Why do golfers bring an spare change of pants? Just in case they get a hole in one. Credit to /u/Diablo182"

"I like Kanye West as much as the next guy... ...as long as the next guy isn't Kanye West."

"""what if today's the day you learn about tacos and ostriches? You don't want to miss that, do you?"" - me manipulating my kid to school."

"To all my haters. First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger."

"I've never had a beard before this one and I didnt like it at first. But its really growing on me."

"I was just told by my doctor that I have cancer and alzheimer's. At least I didn't get cancer!"

"We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, ""Good for him."""

"Did you hear about that new lesbian reversal medicine? It's called Trycoxagin."

"What do McDonald's and a pedophile have in common? They both stick their meat between seven-year-old buns."