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Joke of the Day

"I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won't find them."

"What's brown and hides in the attic? The Diarrhea of Anne Frank"

"Jews would love to believe in Santa.. ..but they're not fans of anybody that keeps a list with peoples names on it."

"What do Tinder and Seafood restaurants have in common? Both are good places to find Catfish"

"If a group of necrophiliacs ran into group of zombies...who would do the chasing? Oh, I went there...;)"

"I'm eating this banana sideways so my husband doesn't get the wrong idea."

"Why would anyone ever want to fly Virgin Airlines? The last thing you want to do is get on a plane that doesn't go all the way."

"whats the diffrence between a tornado and a divorce in the south? nothing. sombodys losing a trailer!"

"Last night I was with a girl... ...she told me she wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the jaw."

"Last night I reached for my medicine and accidentally drank from a bottle of whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction."