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Joke of the Day

"My horoscope read ""You're going places and you can't be stopped."" Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn't read it."

"Remember, when you're driving in the snow, it's important to speed up and go as fast as you can so you don't get stuck."

"Jay-Z's wife took him and their kid to the ocean for a day trip It was a Bey, Bey's bae, & baby bay day."

"I was on diet for a month and all I lost was 30 days How many of you know this funny man pakalu papito ? Its one of his joke."

"I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people"

"What do brunettes and red-heads do on Friday nights? Make blonde jokes!"

"I was on the bus with my gf and this smoking hot Thai chick sat next to me. I thought ""don't get a boner, don't get a boner."" But she did."

"What do you call an army of toddlers? Infantry."

"I'm going to change my name to Blake. So I can ask my girl if she wants to wake and Blake."

"Idea to help fight the obesity epidemic in America: Force Walmart to keep their parking spaces at least 200 yards from their entrances."