160365

Joke of the Day

"A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus"

"Anyway, the moral of the Chilean story is we now put a limit on the hider in the game of hide n' seek"

"*breathes on window creating condensation *starts to write in condensation *sneezes *head slams into window and breaks it"

"I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders ...but it was sold out."

"I'm on my way to Williston, ND. It's the most in the middle of nowhere I've ever been. I plan to show them the iPad and claim to be Jesus."

"What do Libyan people put in their TV remotes? Tripoli batteries."

"[ phone call ] Wife: You want the white 7"" or the black 9"". Me: The black 9"". ..and if she wasn't tablet shopping this would be awkward."

"Coworker just said ""I need a thick black one."" She was talking about a marker but I'm still reporting her to HR for sexual harassment."

"My grandfather told me that during the war he was exposed to irritants like pepper spray and mustard gas. Now he's a seasoned vet."

"Working at a Land Rover factory is so interesting I make a new Discovery every day"