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Joke of the Day

"We were making out on the couch and She's like ""Let's take this upstairs"" I'm like ""Ok you grab one side and I'll grab the other!"""

"I keep hearing ""Just be yourself"" from everyone. I didn't realize so many people want me to go to prison :("

"What do you call a short Mexican? A paragraph, because he's not big enough to be an ese."

"My Wife made me choose between her, and my Love of Pointing out Doors ""If you want to leave"" I told her, ""There's the Door"""

"What did the super spy polyatomic ion say when he walked into the bar? The name's Bond, Covalent Bond"

"Anyone can recommend a good Hobbit movie?"

"I only have one cardinal rule... Never feed them past 9, because if you do they'll be up and chirping all night"

"I was going to dress up as a turn signal for Halloween But no one around here knows what the hell that is!"

"My mate dug a hole in the garden and filled it with water....I think he meant well."

"My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said ""yeah it's pretty straightforward"""