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Joke of the Day

"I only have one cardinal rule... Never feed them past 9, because if you do they'll be up and chirping all night"

"Google reports consistent level of searches for ""pornography"" in the UK following Brexit Title"

"How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat"

"Why didn't Jesus play during the Isreal-Palestine soccer game? He got suspended."

"How do you get whole race to hate you? Blow up the finish line. (I figured 2 years was long enough)"

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You hit her"

"I went to the zoo the other day. It was completely empty except for a single dog... It was a Shih Tzu."

"If a pilot can't get it up during takeoff Is it called projectile dysfunction?"

"A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well."

"What is the one smell you can never get out of the house, no matter what you spray or what incense you burn? Your grandparents."