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Joke of the Day

"I only have one cardinal rule... Never feed them past 9, because if you do they'll be up and chirping all night"

"A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, ""It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."""

"What's the big deal with the Dog Whisperer? My dog whispers all the time! ""Kill for me,"" he rasps."

"Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?"

"I have the best prison name Mitochondria"

"How can you tell that truckers like nuts? They always have pecans! (Read aloud)"

"In Iraq why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day? The camel gets too tired."

"if america goes the way of greece, we'll be ending all our words with ""ous."" that's ridiculous! omg, it's already started"

"Someone please invent a service to grocery shop for you but also cook it into a meal and also the meal is pizza oh it's pizza delivery"

"Jim: You have a Fantasy Football team? Me: Guys aren't my thing. But, Tom Brady's kinda cute. Jim: No, I- Me: Ooh! Cam Newton's dreamy, too!"