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Joke of the Day
"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, they're both stuck up cunts"
Next Joke
"My voicemail greeting is just me strangling a cat while reading bible passages."
"Thor. He follows the same naming conventions as macho men with their dogs. Thor means thunder. But also the literal translation of Mjolnir is ""crusher""."
"He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling."
"""We will, we will paper you!"" - Band that's more awesome than Queen"
"Cop:Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I'm pretty? Cop: No Me: Because I'm on Twitter? Cop: No Me: Officer I can do this all day"
"I was walking down the road... ...when the guy in front of me turned around and started throwing milk, eggs, yoghurt and butter at me. I thought, ""How dairy!""."
"In bio practical: Examiner:Tell me the name of this bird by seeing it's legs only? Sardar:I don't know. Examiner:You failed, what's your name? Sardar:See my legs & tell my name"
"The American stock market is a bear BULL shit"
"Sausages... They're the wurst."