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Joke of the Day

"""We will, we will paper you!"" - Band that's more awesome than Queen"

"I'm cooking some SpaghettiOs in nothing but my underwear. All of a sudden, Chef Ramsay bursts into my kitchen and beats the shit out of me."

"How many cynics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter. Lightbulb is going to die anyway."

"REALITY SHOW IDEA: Put 10 tweeters in a house with only 1 phone charger and plenty of booze. BOOM."

"Why are people so sad in Ferguson? Because they live in misery"

"I have created the only non-racist Chinese joke. So I went to Chinatown today. There were too many bright lights. I asked them to dim sum."

"unlike drugs, twitter addiction won't cost you anything, except your social life"

"I've been suffering from amnesia. Or was it dyslexia? All I know is that I can't remember it and I sure as hell can't spell it."

"SEE IF you can ""unscramble"" the name of this important American from yesteryear in under 10 min: AABRHAM LONCLIN. Go!"

"If these celebrity stints in rehab were any shorter, they'd be drive-thrus."