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Joke of the Day

"If this paper cut is any indication of my pain threshold, then child birth would definitely kill me."

"[trying to talk to girl] Ha so you from around here? ""Ya"" Cool me too. I love planet earth"

"""Is your refrigerator running?"" ""My fridge used to run every day, but ever since he started smoking marijuana he just lays on the couch."""

"Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up ?"

"A lawyer, a tax-man and a murderer jump off a cliff in a race to the bottom. who wins? society"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his pizza before it was cool"

"What's the difference between refrigerators and gay people? Refrigerators don't fart when the meat gets pulled out"

"Why does a dog lick it's balls? Because they're delicious. What? You've never tried them? You're missing out."

"Son : Dad.... This movie is so scary... Is that woman going to die?? Dad : Judging by the size of that horse's dick, Yes she is"

"How did alien defeat predator? ""Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."""