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Joke of the Day
"Jesus loves everyone. Except manicurists. He always hated having his nails done."
Next Joke
"Dear Neighbours, ""She's coming"" isn't a great warning to give when I walk by and you stop talking."
"You get home from work early. You walk into the kitchen and your dog is peeling a potato. Startled, she yells ""IT'S JUST A POTATO!"" #ambien"
"what do you call a boring burrito? aburrido"
"I'm banned from HomeDepot, after trying to steal drugs. I was caught stealing two ladders; what can I say they get me high."
"A guy goes to his doctor, and the doctor tells him, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" And the guy's like, ""Wait, why?"" The doctor reploes, ""So I can examine you."""
"Family dinner. I was halfway through my 2nd egg roll before I realized everyone else at the table had been praying for the last 7 minutes."
"""Daddy, why do dogs need whiskers?"" -my 7-year-old son, while discreetly holding scissors in one hand and dog whiskers in the other"
"What is the difference between joghurt and America? If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!"
"Did you hear about that new movie ""Constipation?!"" It still hasn't come out!"