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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. I had to put my foot down."

"Jesus' Greatest Miracles: 3) Turning water to wine 2) Raising Lazarus 1) Maintaining a milky-white complexion in a desert climate for 33 yrs"

"Why did the bank robber go to the chiropractor? Because he had a crook in his neck."

"My grandfather could never throw anything away... That's why he died in the war holding a hand grenade"

"No bullshit, if any color is unemployed, its maroon"

"My friend said to me ""people do not change"" I told him to empty his pockets."

"What did the cell say when its sister stepped on it's toe? Mitosis!"

"How many unwashed gorillas did Fetty Wap buy? 17 dirty apes."

"If grandmas had an award ceremony, what would it be called? The Grammy's"

"At The Nikon Headquarters We need random people in a room to test and sample our new lenses ""A focus group?"" DAMMIT JOHNSON THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES"