130418

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'll catch my reflection in a mirror and I'll be like, ""oh no, that can't be right."""

"Twelve years ago today, my brother gave me one of his kidneys. I still can't believe that he did it. I wasn't even sick."

"I was going to tell a suicide bomber joke, but I feel that it would just blow up in my face."

"I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts!"

"Joseph: no rooms? Dude she's about to give birth to humanity's savior Innkeeper: sorry busy around Christmas time J: wtf around what time"

"It's not a great nap, unless you wake up and can't remember what day it is."

"The girl that cut my hair said ""Is there anything else I can do for you?"" and now I'm permanently banned from Famous Hair."

"I was catfished once For thirty years Pluto had me convinced he was a planet..."

"Me: Sorry, my son spilled the water Waiter: No problem, I'll get you a new one Me: [grabbing his arm] Make sure this one likes sports"

"I work in the entertainment industry, so the only way I could lie more is if I worked in politics."