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Joke of the Day

"The number one piece of advice I could give to fish is to stay hydrated."

"Girl are you the burning bush? Cuz you're hot. And there's no conceivable reason you should be talking to me."

"Did you see the headline about the film director who stormed off set after someone filled his trailer with herbs? Michael Bay Leaves"

"Why was the archeologist depressed? because his career was in ruins"

"I don't know how I'm going to get out of bed tomorrow now that I live in a world without Cecil the Lion."

"""My dad was a huge feminist..."" ""What about your mom?"" ""No, no. Dad wouldn't allow that."""

"It's not on a map, or some app. MILLER LIGHT"

"ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is."

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" Apparently it wasn't the best way to try to convince my girlfriend to get an abortion."

"What body movements alert you that a politician is lying? His lips are moving."