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Joke of the Day

"""One man's trash is another man's treasure"" Apparently it wasn't the best way to try to convince my girlfriend to get an abortion."

"I scream, you scream, we all scream because we just witnessed a horrific highway wreck with multiple fatalities."

"I was talking to a record producer at the urinals and now I've got a number 1 on my hands"

"Why was 9 afraid of 10? Because 10 11 12."

"She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy."

"What's the difference between a women's track team and a bunch of African pygmies? The African pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. The women's track team are a bunch of running cunts."

"What's the difference between virgin olive oil and extra virgin olive oil? *thick Italian accent* ""She don't even touch it."""

"What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise? I don't know but your mother's a whore!"

"Just got 30 orange oval stickers printed that read NOW HAMSTER FREE I'm putting them on all the meatloaf packages in this supermarket"

"Me: Honey, I left work early to pick up the kids! Wife: But we d.. *I arrive into the kitchen with two small goats Meet Frank and Dolores"