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Joke of the Day

"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."

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"I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises."
"so a comedian is sent out in war he ends up doing puns of damage to the enemy"
"Making holy water from regular water is easy. Just boil the hell out of it."
"What's the difference between a weasel and a stoat? One's weasily recognised - the other's stoatally different"
"My girlfriend said we can have sex on days that start wit ""T""... ...Tomorrow."
"A woman about sex has to know why?' and a man where?'"
"All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it."
"A man says to his son: ""Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe""?"" ""You're not fooling me dad, a chair!!"" ""Not this time, your dog died."""
"If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed."
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