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Joke of the Day

"I hate babies when they are crying. I hate people who love babies & think babies are cute. I hate grown up babies who make more babies."

"I told my wife that I am helping create jobs in the economy. I left a dish in the sink and told her she now has a job to do."

"I love being a pessimist. I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised."

"If you love something, set it free. (Does not apply to ferrets.)* *I am no longer allowed on the subway."

"Been at this farmer's market for 20 minutes. Haven't seen a single beard. About to FREAK OUT & start throwing these organic soaps"

"It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer."

"You may think that a pirate's favorite letter is R But they actually love the C."

"Saw a coworker washing a banana in the sink and wondering what she did with it."

"I was at Redbox, but I didn't know what to watch. I consulted my groceries, and my pizza said, ""Keep Frozen."""

"A speedo is just a man's way of saying ""not today girls""."