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Joke of the Day

"It's almost as if they don't know the first rule of carrying rolls of wrapping paper club is; always be prepared for a sword fight, officer."

"What I've learned from twitter is that if I tell a joke to 1,300 people, at least 2 will laugh."

"I'm pretty sure that spiders have figured out that I'm terrified of them, and have created a game to see who can make me flip out the most."

"My subaru wasn't working. How awd."

"A blind man walked past the fish store. He said ""Hi, girls."""

"What do you get for the man who has everything? Penicillin"

"Why do Apples new headphones look like tampons? Because they're made exclusively for cunts."

"""Doctor, tennis has caused bad pain in my forearms"" -There's nothing I can do ""There isn't?"" -Not until you bring in your other two arms"

"""Good morning please could I have one human ticket to the water park"" Sir are you a shark in disguise? *sharks fake eyebrows slide off*"

"The dildo I bought didn't come with instructions But I guess it's just plug-n-play"