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Joke of the Day

"I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy."

"Two cows in a field. One asks ""should I be worried about mad cow's disease""? ""Well I'm not"", the other replies, ""...because I'm a squirrel!"""

"I've been driving with a coca cola can stuck in snow on the roof of my car for a week cuz 7 thinks it makes us cops. Stare all you want."

"Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? *She ran away from the ball.*"

"How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty. (This was told to me by an old man I cut off with my grocery cart at the grocery store)."

"Parrot A black guy walks in to a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bar tender asks "" he's beautiful where did you get him"" the parrot squaks "" Africa theres plenty of them"""

"I'd like to teach the world to sing. And while everyone's busy, I'd go watch a movie without people talking through it."

"I heard they're installing over 15,000 CCTV cameras in New Delhi for Obama's visit. That's ridiculous, it's not like he's going to steal anything."

"If Anne hath a will, Anne Hathaway."

"Saw a man at Target with a foot-long ponytail. Didn't know what to do so I pulled the fire alarm."