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Joke of the Day

"Parrot A black guy walks in to a bar with a parrot on his shoulder the bar tender asks "" he's beautiful where did you get him"" the parrot squaks "" Africa theres plenty of them"""

"""can i smoke in here?"" ""sure go ahead sir"" ""thanks"" *lights scented candle* ""can i scatter rose petals in here?"" ""erm- ""can i dim the lights"

"""What's your name?"" ""Who's your daddy?"" ""Is he rich like me?"" These ""reset your password"" questions are getting kind of weird."

"[Restaurant] ""Good evening sir, would you like to hear the specials?"" Yes please ""THIS TOWN (AHH AHHH) IS COMIN LIKE A GHOST TOWN"""

"Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut the fuck up and dramatically lower your standards!"

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? He works it out with a pencil"

"Did you hear about gay Santa? He stuck a match in a frogs ass and then shaved the skin off of the frog. Looking at it upside down he said ""now who wants some popcorn?"""

"""She must be shy"" is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me."

"What's the difference between dark matter and Black Lives Matter? Dark matter has the capacity to leave an impact on a system"

"I am so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed."