129696

Joke of the Day

"Nine times out of ten, when I say ""on my way"" or ""be there in 5 or 10,"" I haven't even left my house yet."

"*knock* Who's... *knock* Who's... *knock knock* Who's there? *knock knock knock* Who... *knock knock knock knock knock* Piss off, Fibonacci!"

"Donald Trump isn't the candidate the Republicans need, he's the candidate they deserve. (as punishment for all the stuff they've done over the last eight years)"

"What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" ""Hi. Long time listener, first time caller."" ""That's really funny."" ""Thank you. Anyways, I'm being stabbed."""

"If you weigh a whale at a whale weigh station, where do you weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie."

"Why is England the wettest country? Monarchies have reigned there for centuries."

"If you get sexted by someone you don't like...does that mean you got molexted?"

"What do a chop shop and a desperate actress have in common? They both strip for parts!"

"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet I probably wouldnt: I'm not that smart and people are already mad at me from other stuff I did"