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Joke of the Day
"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his ass"
Next Joke
"Expendables 4 (Rated R): Tom, Sylvester & Wiley Coyote coldly hunt down & eat Jerry, Tweety & Roadrunner. Directed by Quentin Tarantino."
"""It's a dog-eat-dog world."" - Hannibal Labradoodle"
"Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I'm bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment"
"How do you troll an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask which period it's from."
"So a husband asked his wife if it was possible to feel happy and sad at the same time..... She responded that he had the biggest dick out of his brothers."
"Superman: Kinda sucks you can't fly. Batman: It's okay. Superman: Why? Batman: My planet hasn't exploded, so I can still walk and drive."
"I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar."
"What do you call a protein that has anger management issues? Amino acid!"
"I find frying pans really hot. I guess you could say I'm pansexual."