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Joke of the Day

"I'm sure my girlfriend's frigid Every time she opens her legs a light comes on."

"Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it"

"So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn't Santa. LOL drugs."

"I accidentally hit my head on a window today... It was paneful."

"Priest and a Rabbi ... A Priest and a Rabbi are walking by a school yard, the Priest says to the Rabbi, ""I'd sure like to fuck those kids!"" the Rabbi replies ""Out of what?"""

"Circle? Donut! Triangle? Pizza! Cylinder? Tater tot! - me teaching our 2yr old shapes"

"If you ask for ice water in the south they look at you funny, down here they drink something called ass water?"

"I've squirted this entire bottle of No More Tears shampoo in this babies face, he's still crying, babysitting is hard."

"I like my men like I like my coffee... ground up and in the freezer."

"One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked."